I am so mortified.

So mortified.

At least I'm still pretty and my beard's grown back.

Hmm. After viewing this "Return of the King", I have two things to say.

1) To the so-called Frodo in Shelob's lair. "What is this? It's sticky!" you said. I would have thought that you knew, but I suppose I must enlighten you. There comes a time in a young orc's life when he gets certain urges. According to Shelob, these young orcs get sent to her abode to deal with these urges.

2) That whole thing with Shelob did not happen that way. Shelob is a fantastic host. I do not believe she would "jab me with her stinger". Far from it. That day, I wandered in a little lost, Shelob comes along comments how handsome my beard looks and asks if I would join her for tea. Well. Not for tea as in me being eaten, but the usual cup of tea with scones and jam. Hmm.

And that Smeagol! TAKING MY RING! Indeed, it was my ring, is my ring and shall be MY RING for all time.

::frowns::

::remains stone dammit::

there's a pigeon on my head O_o getitoffgetifoff it is tainting my beauty!!!

I really am very pretty.

::gazes lovingly at his reflection::

::slowly turns into stone::

I feel most peculiar. It must be that new face mask I used. Hmm. Perhaps I will not be visiting that crazy baking Galadriel and asking her for beauty tips. She kept grinning and offering me placenta.

::gazes into mirror::
I *am* very pretty though.

*sigh* Do I eat second breakfast and spoil my stunning figure? I did eat a piece of lettuce for first breakfast...

I think some rice cakes are in order.

I did not get anything for Dad.

I am too pretty evil pretty evil pretty and evil.

Hmmm. What's this?

::prods::

I appear to have goop stuck to my dainty fingers. This... is unacceptable.

So. I'm going to visit people with Bingo.
This call for some corruption.

Every so often, I pinch his bum and then pretend it must have been some kind of woodland creature.

Hmmm.